Regardless of the minor typo above, this image is superr true. Lemme explain. We went up to the cotty for the long weekend with my girl’s fam and her little sister asked a very good question, which I will answer to the best of my abilities. I overheard her talking with her other sister saying something like “I just dont get it! Why do they love me?!” as we were walking around the village (it’s called the village…I dont go around calling cities villages lool). I obnoxiously poked my head into their little huddle and yelled WHO LOVES YOU?! Babygirl (she is my girl’s littlest sister, hence she is now babygirl) blushed. This was her:
While im out here excited as F cuz im about to give some sweet advice like this:
She looked around to see if anyone could hear our about-to-be-st00pid-yet-insightful-but-not-really-insightful-at-all conversation. PSYCH no one cares about us and what we have to say babygirl so you go on and tell the world you’re a lezzy from time and I promise you, no one will even glance in our general direction.
Sidenote: babygirl is a super cute super curvy gyal. Like ass n titties for dayz, hips that don’t lie, and long luscious locks. So when my eavesdroppin-ass heard her ask that question “Why do they love me” you bet your fine asses I already knew what she was talking about. But i just wanted to hear her say it cuz im a snake.
We walked up a bit further ahead of the others so that they were out of earshot and she cautiously looked around again before saying “We were just talking about the kind of guys that find us attractive…(All the while my snakey insides are smiling because BABY GIRL I ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHATCHU FINNA SAY LOLZ)..and i don’t know why (she continued), but I only get hit on by black guys”. She was still blushing and i was loling because of how shy she was. Her sister (who has a slim athletic build) chimed in “Ya they always hit on me!”. lololol i know babygirl. I know. I put my arms around both of their shoulders, and said in an all-seeing, omniscient tone, “Girls.” -paused for effect- “Follow me.” I steered them a bit further away and I began to puke my knowledge into their ears. Like really, honestly, i aint got 2 degrees for nothing! And these babygirls needed guidance; my guidance.
You see, based on past exeprience, being a total cutie, and just overall being a fcking genius (I censor most things in case my mother ever happens to stumble upon this page. She won’t, but if she does, she’ll be soo faced when she realizes her daughter is only an angel behind her back and nothing less), I have come to realize that guys have preferences when it comes to girls and body type, which I have, for your convenience, linked to ethnicity. There are 3 categories of ethnic guys in this case, and I’m just speaking from what i’ve seen and obviously not mentioning every ethnicity, because hell if i know what native dudes like (but something tells me theyre a category 2/3).
If you are male and reading this and you are angry because the below is all stupid and false, obviouslyyy these categories are very generalized and do not reflect all men’s preferences, as there are black men that exist that are not (drumroll please) ass men, but generally speaking, the below is accurate as fck.
(p.s. PSYCH just tryna be all politically correct because who are we kidding, all black guys love dat ass).
1) White boys: White boys. So cute. And so limited in what they like. They like thin girls. They appreciate big/small boobs, small “cute” bums, and small thighs. They don’t like anything too “crazy” (crazy meaning not the normal size you see in an abercrombie ad); just the nice compact basics- if anything big boobs but everything else should be relatively cute and small. I would also put asian boys into this category but must leave a side note. Sidenote: asian boys love their asian girls. Obviously, whats not to like?? Asian girls are so cute you just want to put them in your pocket. Also they fit the cute and small description always; god bless them.
I remember watching Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist with a white dude. There’s this scene where Tris is being all sexy in front of Nick’s car to sexual healing and she slaps her ass and he goes “Damn she has a sexy ass”. And I’m just there in disbelief like IS WE WATCHING DA SAME MOVIE DOE:
This is what we call “cute bum” that white guys loveeee:
2) Latino/Euro boys: This also goes for most middle eastern and brown boys, but the really white-washed ones fit into the category above. Category 2 love the same girls found from Category 1, with the addition of girls who are more curvy and have a little more meat on them. They like ass and titties that are a bit crazier, and don’t mind a lil arm fat, love handles, and other cute things that jiggle. However, note that this means that while they can appreciate some nice thigh meat, they’re not on that Queen Latifah level yet. They just have broader horizons (pun intended with this picture below).
3) Black boys: All o dem. All of the above. Errbody. Errthang. Erryone. In addition to Categories 1 and 2, because they especially love kim k, they find all women attractive. Big small little tall they like em all. You gotta little cellulite you’re not necessarily in love with? Hate the way your thunder thighs shake when you’re just calmly walking 2 feet to the fridge.Think your tittays will never be loved by anyone except for gravity? Category 3 will love all the parts of you you hate. Even if dude is 130lbs and super skinny, you bet he’ll be tryna get with a BBW (a term i just learned from watching the mindy project episode where her home sex tape makes it onto an online porn site and when they tell her she’s a BBW peter doesn’t want her to know what the first B stands for LOL). They love all women and are most appreciative of your curves babygirl.
If you ever feel bad about the way you look, I promise you there is someone out there who will worship that bod of yours. Obviously love yourself first and all of that, but know that besides your own self-love, every kind of body type gets love. Of course there are always exceptions to these categories because everything I have just said is very generalized lolz and made up and based on nothing at all and probably or definitely completely untrue.