5 things to do on the internet when you’re bored

HI so I don’t have a job or a life or ambitions etc etc etc. so I obviously usually find myself BORED AF whenever I’m not hanging out with friends or eating. Because this is actually all I do: EAT N CHILL. It sounds like the best which it maybe was 4 months ago but now I feel my brain and soul melting or whatever. Whenever I’m really bored at home I don’t do what I should be doing i.e. apply for jobs, clean my room, help make the world a better place or be by any means productive. I don’t even use that free time to make myself look feminine ie. wax my mustache/eyebrows/legs/other parts or do ma hurr or nails. Because I IS LAZY Y’ALL. But actually I will sit and stare at a wall and think about basically nothing and stare off into nothingness and make minor contributions to society. Or I reach for the next best thing which is my laptop! It’s super slow and laggy and the battery is completely dead and it’s a loud ass muhfu*ka so much so that when I skype with someone the fan is so loud they think I’m vacuuming. Like actually. I have one hand under my chin and the other is not in your screen view because it’s off vacuuming to the side.

LOL Sidenote: I have to answer a skype call like that one day. #inshallah

There are so many fun things to do on the internet outside of porn and facebook and netflix and streaming dance moms or big brother canada (U NO WHO U R). Below are the 5 best ways to entertain yoself on the internet:

1. Read YouTube comments: This is BY FAR my number one pastime. You will encounter the funniest, meanest, realest, bestest people on the planet and they all just bust out the real guns because the internet is ruthless. Just youtube whatever you’re into and find fascinating but instead of watching the actual video, scroll south and look for comments that have 15+ replies and expand those babies. I am currently comment-watching a 15min long interview with Ja Rule. NOBODY has time for that not even Ja im sure so instead just read the sweet comments like


Basically it’s a lot of “I miss Ja”‘s (WHO R U LOL). Sometimes if you’re lucky you’ll catch a comment slip because sometimes it’s hard to know who’s pro and anti Ja cuz it’s hard to know who’s hard lovin n who’s straight thuggin. This happens commonly because if you’re not clear about your pro-ja stance, THIS could happen #classicmixup:

ja beef

2. Brush up on current events: LOL psychhh you thought I meant real news. I mean like moose news. I just created that term but it was inspired by an enthralling story that I am currently being captivated by about a moose that was sooo thirsty he got his drank on at a sprinkler. LOLZ so crazy because how did he know how to use it he is an animal and that is a human device. To be the most knowledgeable on such events which you should always strive for, I like to read up on the exact same thing on several different news outlets and have all my tabs goin with different sources all talking about the same thing. For example, currently my tabs look like this:


I just googled “moose sprinkler” and voila I got a million hits and watched so many moose drinking vids and found so many nice pics of this moose (AND OTHERS #blessed) drinking from man-made water sources. And also if you want to be really language-savvy you can compare the diction from all your different sources! “Thirsty moose drops to his knees to help himself to water”, “”Moose caught on camera using sprinkler as a fountain”, “”GIANT MOOSE DRINKS FROM tiny sprinkler”, “Moose slurps from sprinkler”, “Moose chugging water from a sprinkler” and so on…

3. Have a gif dance party: Beware of this one because if you actually do want to eventually be productive this is highly addictive. Basically find a bunch of awesome dancing gifs or just any kind of movement and create your own playlist and have your gifs partaay together or solo. Mix up your genres too! From classic French music to French Montana. I’ll get you started:

dancing avici

dancing goose

dancing soulplane

dancing hardlyworking

dancing whoseline

4. Become a Wikipedia Masta: This will happen without even planning for it to happen because one moment you’ll be watching a ja rule documentary (which I pray doesn’t/does exist) and then the next moment you’ll be dying to know how many albums Ja has put out (considering his loyal and dedicated fans) and which one was his best selling album but then you get distracted by reading that he was raised as a Jehova’s witness and then you feel like wow I should really learn about them people and what it is they are always at my door about. So you click “Jehova’s witness” and come across the word “tithing” which you obviously must know the definition of immediately and then one thing leads to another and you’re learning about jewish law, and memoriziging all 613 of its commandments making you knowledgable and passionate enough to convert until you find out it’s hard AF to convert to judaism while this whole time you just wanted to know if “Livin it up” won a grammy. Sidenote: it didn’t but it was nominated #soclose.

5. Research Top _____ Lists: This well enable you to be the most well-rounded individual possible and be able to give solid advice. Go to google and do research on what is the best and the top of everything. I will quickly type out some examples at random off the top of my head: Best Somali restaurants in Georgetown, Top 10 places to skydive, 5 busiest shopping malls, Top 5 reasons Leo Dicap hasn’t won a grammy, 10 best ways to eliminate cellulite, 10 best ways to hide cellulite, 10 best ass implants, 5 best boob jobs, 5 best plastic surgeons in North America, (Side google cost of breast implants), Top 10 reasons having small breasts is good, and so on. If you’re ever in Georgetown and someone’s like hey I’m really cravin me some Somali, know any good places? You:




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