We’ve all been there. Last minute “let’s go to the beach!”s, or impromptu outings that require you and all your friends to wear matching sleeveless shirts (this has never happened to me or anyone ever for that matter lmao because why would it), or your mom’s friends asking you to try on something sexy for them because they love making you feel awkward. All the while both your mind and your body are telling you DONT DO ITTTT because under them jeans and under that t-shirt you look like this:
Some women have embraced the au-naturel look and don’t care if they look like the man above (except cuter) but I am definitely not one to willingly leave the house looking like I breed tarantulas in my underarms. (I tried to find a stock image of this because I really want you to imagine what I’m picturing because it’s so accurate and so disturbing. But for some reason “tarantula underarms” doesn’t yield the types of results I’m looking for.) Refer to pic below to understand:
Sidenote: that picture took me WAY too long to make LOL I don’t have any cool editing programs so I definitely used paint and had to clear all the white parts between the tarantula legs. But it looks how I imagined in my head. #TARANTULAPITS
I feel most females who mind body hair keep up with the self-grooming, but obvy there are times where we are in between waxes or shaves where there isn’t enough to eliminate but there’s still enough to notice. Or maybe its winter and were just givin our legs a break from the torture which is shaving. Or maybe we is just muhfkin lazy and would rather live in pants and turtlenecks than take care of our situation(s).
And for these times, we never anticipate that maybe we will need to reveal those parts of us which we shouldn’t because they look like my front lawn. But because we don’t anticipate it, IT ALWAYS HAPPENS DAMNIT. The following are some ways you can save face when our circumstances threaten to reveal our unwanted body hair and dry shaving isn’t an option:
Sidenote: I realize now that I should stop writing this post because I use and have used all of these to avoid awkwardness. And now you will all know when I have been too lazy to shave/wax. Oh well…
1) Use your body to conceal. You know what that means. You can sit or stand in certain ways that will easily hide your relation to cousin It. Got underarm hair? I swear to God, keep those bad boys glued to your sides.
Upperlip hair? Do what my friend does and always cover your mouth with your hand. Here is Serena hiding her stache so nicely, and still managing to look cute:
Leg hair is a bit harder to conceal. If you’re sitting down you can cross them and kinda drape your arms to cover the parts that are visible. If you’re standing, you can dance. If you don’t stop moving, no one will see anything because they’ll be too distracted by your sweet moves!
And if that doesn’t work:
2) Use objects to cover yourself. So what if it’s 40 degrees out? This snuggie is comfy AF! Use your imagination and let your surroundings inspire how you decide to cover up.
Hide your hairy parts by hiding and staying behind objects. Here is a way you can safely engage in real conversation without ever being discovered:
You can use babies or large animals to cover your hairy legs:
If you’re really creative you might even want to pull one of these:
3) You’re too cool. You’re too cool for the beach. You’re too cool for shorts. You’re too cool to try shit on for others. You just don’t care enough to do anything. When someone’s like “omg you know what would be so fun right now!?! If we went SWIMMING!!!” just pull one of these:
4) You’re very ticklish. Oh you didn’t know? I’m superrr ticklish and giggle whenever you try and touch my legs because I’m really sensitive and I can’t handle even the slightest touch without falling out of my seat. Even if no actual contact is made, you gotta be like this:
5) You have the strongest values ever. Ya shorts are harram…I don’t feel comfortable showing that much skin. Also you touching me there? Not goin to happen because ya, although it already happened maybe every time before, I’ve changed my ways and I respect myself way too much.
6) You’re on your period. This excuse is the best because it doesn’t have to make sense in order to be used. Try thinking of all the possible scenarios you can that would require you to reveal your hairy bod and answer them with “I would, but I’m on my period.” JEENYUS
I’m not saying all women should shave or wax. Hellz no babygirls do as you please and whatever you feel comfortable doin. I think it’s awesome that some women can be so chill about that kinda stuff because lord knows how many hours I would’ve saved in my lifetime if I didn’t have to worry about body hair. Seriously, shaving/waxing is my part-time job. I think almost every day some time is spent on some sort of shaving, waxing, epilating, tweezing or whatever, and if I’m not doing it, you best believe I’m thinking bout it! Maybe one day my preferences will change but right now, I personally prefer not having 5’oclock shadow legs and I just sure as heck am not ready to embrace tarantulapits. #tarantulapitsnotftw